I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
Communism is like one big phone company.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
The morning after my high-school graduation found me up early job hunting. The dream of college I put on the back burner.
There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.
You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.
Patrick J. Kennedy
For students today, only 10 percent of children from working-class families graduate from college by the age of 24 as compared to 58 percent of upper-middle-class and wealthy families.
There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
Some things just couldn't be protected from the storm. Some things simply needed to be broken off...Once the old things were broken off, amazingly beautiful things grow in their place.
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
Paul R. Ehrlich
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I got the nickname Spitfire for a reason - I burned inside to play volleyball.
No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.
I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.
If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything.
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
It's funny how most activists are pacifists.