Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

David Spade

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible."

David Spade

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

David Spade

How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?

David Spade

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

David Spade

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

David Spade

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

David Spade

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

David Spade

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

David Spade

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

David Spade

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

David Spade

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

David Spade

It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special... What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That's weird.

David Spade