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Steven Wright Quotes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, Im afraid of widths. - Steven Wright Quotes
At one point he decided enough was enough. - Steven Wright Quotes
Babies dont need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! Ill go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You havent worked a day in your life! - Steven Wright Quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. - Steven Wright Quotes
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright Quotes
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Steven Wright Quotes
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? - Steven Wright Quotes
Dont you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. - Steven Wright Quotes
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I dont get it. - Steven Wright Quotes
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright Quotes
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright Quotes
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. - Steven Wright Quotes
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you cant hear him talk. - Steven Wright Quotes
Hermits have no peer pressure. - Steven Wright Quotes
How young can you die of old age? - Steven Wright Quotes
I bought some batteries, but they werent included. - Steven Wright Quotes
I bought some instant water one time but I didnt know what to add to it. - Steven Wright Quotes
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright Quotes
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. - Steven Wright Quotes
I got a chain letter by fax. Its very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. - Steven Wright Quotes
I got this powdered water - now I dont know what to add. - Steven Wright Quotes
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. - Steven Wright Quotes
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright Quotes
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright Quotes
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, Im home now. But leave a message and Ill call when Im out. - Steven Wright Quotes
I have an existential map. It has You are here written all over it. - Steven Wright Quotes
I have the worlds largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps youve seen it. - Steven Wright Quotes
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and Im gone. - Steven Wright Quotes
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! - Steven Wright Quotes
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright Quotes
Quotes Cloud
Afraid Babies Baby Beach Doing Dont Enough
Heights Here Life Little Need Over People
Pisses Point Still Them Vacation What Your
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