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Jay Leno Quotes
According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it. - Jay Leno Quotes
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last nights Democratic debate. - Jay Leno Quotes
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution. - Jay Leno Quotes
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because shes strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it. - Jay Leno Quotes
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno Quotes
Dont forget Mothers Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dads Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno Quotes
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesnt that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now youre average - hey, lets get a pizza! - Jay Leno Quotes
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. - Jay Leno Quotes
Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest arent bad people; theyre just acquaintances. - Jay Leno Quotes
Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery? - Jay Leno Quotes
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe youre not the best, so you should work a little harder. - Jay Leno Quotes
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe youre not the best, so you should work a little harder. - Jay Leno Quotes
I went into a McDonalds yesterday and said, Id like some fries. The girl at the counter said, Would you like some fries with that? - Jay Leno Quotes
I went into a McDonalds yesterday and said, Id like some fries. The girl at the counter said, Would you like some fries with that? - Jay Leno Quotes
If God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. - Jay Leno Quotes
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. - Jay Leno Quotes
If you dont want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno Quotes
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers. - Jay Leno Quotes
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - hes one of their own. - Jay Leno Quotes
Nineteen percent of doctors say that theyd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments. - Jay Leno Quotes
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means youve met your New Years resolution. - Jay Leno Quotes
Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno Quotes
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, theyre all lining up. - Jay Leno Quotes
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno Quotes
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow Operation Re-elect Bush doesnt seem to be popular. - Jay Leno Quotes
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasnt for any religious reasons. They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin. - Jay Leno Quotes
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - theyre the ones falling down the most. - Jay Leno Quotes
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They dont want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, theyll just be known as the Bullets. - Jay Leno Quotes
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno Quotes
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. - Jay Leno Quotes
Quotes Cloud
According Begins Believes Bill Book Bush Called
Cell Clinton Conception Conservatives Debate Decision Democratic
Ends Evil Execution Great Heard Hillary Jazeera
Laden Last Least Life Money More Nights
Osama Publishers Research Said Same Satan Some
Stand Stem Stuff Tape Than Thing Today
Usual Well Will York
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