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George Carlin Quotes
Always do whatevers next. - George Carlin Quotes
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. - George Carlin Quotes
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin Quotes
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - George Carlin Quotes
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. - George Carlin Quotes
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin Quotes
Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin Quotes
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. - George Carlin Quotes
Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin Quotes
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. - George Carlin Quotes
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin Quotes
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin Quotes
Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. - George Carlin Quotes
I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? - George Carlin Quotes
I dont have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. - George Carlin Quotes
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just dont have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin Quotes
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin Quotes
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. - George Carlin Quotes
I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin Quotes
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We havent tried that for a while. Maybe this time itll work. - George Carlin Quotes
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - theyre cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin Quotes
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin Quotes
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. - George Carlin Quotes
Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. - George Carlin Quotes
Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin Quotes
Im not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... itll be much harder to detect. - George Carlin Quotes
If God had intended us not to masturbate he wouldve made our arms shorter. - George Carlin Quotes
If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin Quotes
If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin Quotes
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesnt it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin Quotes
Quotes Cloud
Always Anything Attend Bathroom Closest Death Dinner
First Matter Never Next Party Person Principle
Seated Should Whatevers
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