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Emo Philips Facts
Emo Philips Is Born On February 7, 1956
Emo Philips Zodiac Sign Is Aquarius
Emo Philips Zodiac Symbol Is Water Bearer
Emo Philips Chinese Zodiac Element Is Yin Wood
Emo Philips Chinese Zodiac Animal Is Ram
Emo Philips Occupation Is Comedian
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Emo Philips Quotes
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips Quotes
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. - Emo Philips Quotes
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. - Emo Philips Quotes
England is better only because I stand out there as unusual. - Emo Philips Quotes
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. - Emo Philips Quotes
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. - Emo Philips Quotes
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. - Emo Philips Quotes
I asked my girlfriend, Will you marry me? She said, Well have to ask my father. So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, Hello! - Emo Philips Quotes
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, Get off me, you two! - Emo Philips Quotes
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but theres never any gum under any of them. - Emo Philips Quotes
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "Im going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "Youll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you wont be able to get into the corners very well." - Emo Philips Quotes
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. - Emo Philips Quotes
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They dont know Im only using blanks. - Emo Philips Quotes
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They dont know Im firing blanks. - Emo Philips Quotes
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him. - Emo Philips Quotes
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men dont seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasnt any gum under any of them. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was the kid next doors imaginary friend. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. - Emo Philips Quotes
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. - Emo Philips Quotes
Im a great lover, Ill bet. - Emo Philips Quotes
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didnt have any, they gave you some. - Emo Philips Quotes
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. - Emo Philips Quotes
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. - Emo Philips Quotes
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics heads, where they are safe. - Emo Philips Quotes
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didnt have sex quite so often. - Emo Philips Quotes
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I dont have an alibi. - Emo Philips Quotes
Probably the toughest time in anyones life is when you have to murder a loved one because theyre the devil. - Emo Philips Quotes
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