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Dennis Miller Quotes
A new poll shows that Senator Kerrys support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerrys appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. - Dennis Miller Quotes
A recent police study found that youre much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Born again?! No, Im not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis nightstand. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, dont they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. - Dennis Miller Quotes
I lapsed into rude. - Dennis Miller Quotes
I rant, therefore I am. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Im a comedian, for Gods sake. Viewers shouldnt trust me. And you know what? Theyre hip enough to know they shouldnt trust me. Im just doing stand-up comedy. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Im like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. - Dennis Miller Quotes
If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldnt be in this problem. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Its ironic that in our culture everyones biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things Im liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things Im kind of conservative on. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they dont find these weapons of mass destruction. Its enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and whats more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? - Dennis Miller Quotes
Now, I dont want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply Gods way of letting you know that youre having too good a time. - Dennis Miller Quotes
One mans Voltaire is another mans Screech. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nations highways. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. - Dennis Miller Quotes
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which. - Dennis Miller Quotes
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens. - Dennis Miller Quotes
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board. - Dennis Miller Quotes
The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. - Dennis Miller Quotes
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. - Dennis Miller Quotes
The radical right is so homophobic that theyre blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Theres nothing wrong with being shallow as long as youre insightful about it. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. - Dennis Miller Quotes
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. - Dennis Miller Quotes
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Whats so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. Its like a shock and aw shucks campaign. - Dennis Miller Quotes
Quotes Cloud
Again Appeal Away Blacks Born Excuse First
Found Getting Kerrys Likely Lives More Much
Police Poll Right Senator Shot Shows South
Southern Strongest Study Support That Time White
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