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Dave Barry Quotes
Escargot is French for fat crawling bag of phlegm. - Dave Barry Quotes
A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is. - Dave Barry Quotes
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. - Dave Barry Quotes
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry Quotes
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. - Dave Barry Quotes
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but televisions message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. - Dave Barry Quotes
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. - Dave Barry Quotes
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. - Dave Barry Quotes
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. - Dave Barry Quotes
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. - Dave Barry Quotes
Camping is natures way of promoting the motel business. - Dave Barry Quotes
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. - Dave Barry Quotes
Dont you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they dont even have to be true! - Dave Barry Quotes
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. - Dave Barry Quotes
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. - Dave Barry Quotes
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. - Dave Barry Quotes
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry Quotes
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. - Dave Barry Quotes
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. - Dave Barry Quotes
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. - Dave Barry Quotes
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically. - Dave Barry Quotes
Have you noticed that whatever sport youre trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? - Dave Barry Quotes
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. - Dave Barry Quotes
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. - Dave Barry Quotes
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. - Dave Barry Quotes
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they dont even invite me. - Dave Barry Quotes
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. - Dave Barry Quotes
I realize that Im generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I dont care. - Dave Barry Quotes
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to. - Dave Barry Quotes
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. - Dave Barry Quotes
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