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Conan Obrien Quotes
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans. - Conan Obrien Quotes
CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, Its not so bad. - Conan Obrien Quotes
During last nights debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says Californias schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Fish recognize a bad leader. - Conan Obrien Quotes
If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. - Conan Obrien Quotes
In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber union. - Conan Obrien Quotes
In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. - Conan Obrien Quotes
In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didnt have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. - Conan Obrien Quotes
In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. Thats right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimers, Parkinsons, and whatever it is I have. - Conan Obrien Quotes
John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they dont know what theyre doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isnt eligible for another fifteen years. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasnt changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that hes started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. - Conan Obrien Quotes
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards. - Conan Obrien Quotes
President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isnt that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isnt in their neighborhood. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that its 22 years later, and they still havent lost their virginity. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive! - Conan Obrien Quotes
The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said hed like to help, but hes pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. - Conan Obrien Quotes
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheneys friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said Yes. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Tom Cruises attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martins attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Yesterday American and British troops handed out food to hundreds of Iraqis. Not surprisingly, the Iraqis handed the British food back. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, Whatever you do, dont tell Geraldo. - Conan Obrien Quotes
Quotes Cloud
Arnold Authors Better Bush Country Easily English
Even Fans From Have Inspired Just Language
Politician Post President Says Second Skills Star
Stores Study Successful Talk Than That They
This Toys Want Wars Washington Will Women
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